He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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