just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
