I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Randomize
