I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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