Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
