I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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