I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
