you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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