did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
