i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
