you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
