Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
