Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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