whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
