Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
