I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
