Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was CRYING into my vagina
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
