ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
