Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
