Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
