I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
