I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
