In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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