He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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