Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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