My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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