I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
