Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
