I wanna bring you to show and tell
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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