so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
