i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
