I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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