I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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