she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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