my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize