i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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