you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
