Who did Billy Mays play for?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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