i was born a porn star she said
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
