Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
