He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
