My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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