help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Be still, my beating vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
