pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
