Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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