I accidentally had phone sex last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
