but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
