Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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