the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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