seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
