People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
tonight lets celebrate not being married
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
