peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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