that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
