U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
