I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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