How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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