if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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