Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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