If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
