I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
