Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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