With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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