Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
