Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
zippers are such a cool invention
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
