The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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