It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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