Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
