i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
