Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
