are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
