The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
