dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
