U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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