Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
