So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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